FINALLY!!! My new special 'It's Gonna Get Better' is coming out November 13th on Amazon Prime, Apple TV, and Google Play! But FIRST we are having a Special Premiere of the film Friday, NOVEMBER 6TH in Boise, ID at The Lounge at the End of the Universe! To reserve tickets go to LoungeBoise.com (Admission is FREE, but you MUST RSVP, NO TICKETS AT THE DOOR!) Dress To Impress! SEE YOU SO SOON!!!! #AlvinWilliams #ComedySpecial #ItsGonnaGetBetter #Release #Event #Special #Premiere
What inspires you?
What makes you get out of bed every morning and go “…Ok fine, fuck it. I’m up!” and get your day going?
For me, it’s hard work. Not even my own hard work. OTHER people’s hard work. My mom is retiring this year from her position as a Staff Specialist for the American Hospital Association, and I cannot help but think of her every time I’m having a “bad” day. I could not do what she did. Well, I could if I had to, I think? I don’t know…I don’t wanna know lol What I do know is that for over 30 years my mom woke up at 6 AM every week day, braved The Hawk (what we call Chicago Winters), and made the lives of people around her easier, and better. All the while there’s never been a time where I couldn’t call and talk to her for an hour about whatever bullshit I was dealing with in my life. Thing is? I’m one of four of her children. And we have a big family too, so I assume more people called her than just me with their bullshit! She made time for us all. Meanwhile if I have a 15 minute convo about a single subject I don’t like, my whole day is ruined!...She’s better at multi-tasking than I am is what I’m saying.
I also think of my brothers in the mornings before I get up. They have kids, and wives, and they work physically taxing jobs that require so many hours that they barely get rest, yet still have to balance and provide for their offspring. They do an amazing job. Balancing their own dreams and emotions as well as their families. I don’t have a kid. I don’t even have a damn dog. I get thrown off-track so easily just managing myself, it’s almost embarrassing. I make up for it best I can by being almost psychotically myopic when I finally do decide to focus on something. In those moments, nothing else matters. I turn my phone off, I turn some music on, and I sacrifice best I can for this one moment of inspiration, because who knows when I’ll get the next spark? I'm protecting me from…well, ME. I don't write every day. But when I do write, I hoard. I've got hundreds of jokes that haven't seen the light of day. So whenever I want to do a new set, I just pull from the stack. I will never run out. I maintain that.
When I write new material, or design posters, or edit audio/video, I am dogged until the last moment. It can take me days, sometimes weeks. I may not shower, shave, or eat, but I get it done! And it’s the hard work of the people I love who motivate me in those moments. The thought of the effort they will put into Monday morning pushes me to press on just one more minute of one more day when pursuing my own passion projects. They do this, daily, because their life requires it. I emulate them. I pretend that I have to, when in reality it is not required of me at all. It’s as if I have nothing outwardly prompting me to move forward. No one outside of me who needs me. I started to feel at one point that whenever I screwed something up in my life, no one was really affected. It used to mess with me mentally. Before I realized that I AM affected, and that should be enough to stop sabotaging myself immediately. But often in my past that wasn't the case.
Case and point, sometimes when my feelings aren’t in order, I tend to hurt other people’s feelings. Not intentionally, but consistently nonetheless. As the saying goes “Hurt people, HURT people”. So I made a resolution (before New Years, so you KNOW it's forrealsies) that I didn’t want to hurt others any longer. In any way. And I'm pretty great about that now. Hell I wouldn’t even swat a fly ?...(Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock reference?...No??? Ok)...Seriously though I never step on bugs. You can learn a lot about people by the way they treat bugs. Not animals...bugs. I accept bugs, slugs, and critters of all kinds. When they wander into my space indoors anywhere I am, I grab a towel and gently place them outside. I give them a second chance, because to me if they ended up in my hands…they fucked up that day lol BAD CHOICE BUG!!! People make fun of me about it, but I don’t give a shit. When someone asks me why I behave this way, I always give the same answer:
“This bug didn’t plan on being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Haven't you had a day like this before? Be glad you got out."
Now if that same bug finds its way into my presence AGAIN? In the words of Al Pacino in Heat, "I will not hesitate to take him down"...Might've been De Niro. I'm (kinda) joking, but I do live by the credo that everyone and everything deserves a second chance, and that has served me well I believe.
And while I have done well by others of late, I can honestly say I have been negligent at times with myself. Not taking care of myself physically, mentally, or emotionally. I had often squandered opportunities in my life simply because I didn’t respect myself enough to stop repeatedly putting myself in harm’s way. Thrill seeking behavior can often be the lifeblood of my comedy, but detrimental to my personal wellbeing in the long run. So this year, my resolution changed from "I don’t want to hurt others", to "I don’t want to hurt myself". If I'm good with me, the rest will fall into place. I am more than enough to create my own happiness. Therefore, that resolution should be more than enough to achieve all my goals. I mean it hurts me to hurt others already, right? So saying "I don't want to hurt myself" is the exact same thing as saying "I don't want to hurt others", except now I don’t eat nearly as much cake in the middle of the night either. Make sense?...Good!
In conclusion, when I see the people I admire, love, and respect, working their asses off because they believe in something greater than themselves, I am always inspired. I am also grateful I don't have that responsibility. I honestly don’t see that "something greater" for myself yet. And I don’t have to yet either. I can still walk with purpose though. Be good to myself. Be good to others. My payment is my lifestyle. I have a relatively easy life. I struggle to get out of my bed just like anyone else trying to make it in this world. But when I get outta bed…it’s noon. An alarm clock is not a part of my day unless I'm flying somewhere awesome, and that's pretty cool to me. I have no one who needs me, and that’s not a bad thing. It just means I have more time to look out for others who may need help but never ask, and I can lend a helping hand whenever, wherever, and however I please. That freedom is special to me. As far as my personal future, I can confidently say this:
Everything I’ve ever put my mind to, I’ve accomplished. I’ve had opportunities to do more, and I didn’t pursue them. Because deep down, I didn’t want to put in the work any longer. That’s the realest truth I could ever divulge. I wanted to coast off of all the hard years of my career that I had already completed. I had a fear of reaching "the next level" because it would have meant having to start back over again at the bottom of whatever that next level was. That fear had permeated the past 4 years of my career. I didn't ever want to struggle again, and it hasn’t led to the best decisions long term to this point. Easy roads were taken, even when I knew better. But I realize now more than ever that there is more hard work to be done, or else I will never be satisfied with the end result. I know I can do so much more if I get out of my own way, once and for all. And for now, that is all the motivation I need to be better.
…But the FIRST thing I need to do? Is get more Instagram Followers than my damn 19 yr old niece. Seriously what the HELL?! If you ever read this Azha, I'm proud of you Boo, truly! lol But DAMN! I travel the world entertaining people from every walk of life, and her dog gets more likes than me?!...His name is Gucci though…maybe I should take note. ??? Meh, maybe tomorrow. ?
Story Time: I once met this 20yr old performer in a bar after my show on a cruise ship. He had six-pack abs. They were busting through his shirt. He wasn't showing off, it was just how the guy was built honestly. He was an aerialist. All aerialists are muscles with eyebrows. Great kid too! But he wasn't confident around women. He told me in confidence that he just "felt awkward and never knew what to say to girls."
I smirked, pointed to his stomach and said "Worry about having a personality when those go away. Until then, just don't talk. Trust me! Chicks dig mystery." Then we high-fived and laughed ?...Funny thing is, he actually had a great personality, but I needed some type of advantage if this dude was gonna be standing next to me making me look outta shape in front of all these women! I met a great girl that night. He didn't. If you ask me, he probably should've talked more. Speak Up Dummy! Lol But if he had, I would've alerted security of an underage kid drinking at the bar ???...SAVAGE!!! ?
My point is: Know your strengths, and don't look to other people to validate you. Because if you do, you'll probably find yourself worse off than if you would've just believed in yourself from the start.
? Also, Your mind can take you places that abs alone cannot. #Knowledge
A New Year. A new day to be your best self. But what if I told you there is no such thing as self? Would you stick around to hear what I have to say? Or would you dismiss my words based on their close resemblance to Hippie Rhetoric? Well let me end that now: I'm not a hippie. I'm black. Maybe one day I'll explain why black people can never truly be hippies in this country, but I feel like race can often take readers off track if it's not what we're talking about...or are we talking about it?...Maybe??? Possibly. Regardless, today's main subject is:
Empathy.
I have often written in the past on my travel blog about how I find myself having an extreme lack of empathy for others I interact with when I have an extreme lack of sleep, or an extreme lack of nutrition. So when both present themselves at the same exact moment??? I am a monster in every sense of the word. This is called...a Travel Day. Ugh. On average I have 80 of these days per year. So, it's safe to say then that 1 in every 5 days you talk to me, I really don't care what you are saying to me. I'm not "there" with you, do you understand? Most of my travel days, after I get BACK INTO the country, I then fly from Miami, Florida to Spokane, Washington -Now, go look at the map of the U.S. ...Exactly. In the wintertime this pattern becomes even more difficult to navigate because of the added climate change between the two areas. I often find myself sick, irritable, and distinctly unpleasant to talk to in person during these days. I'm mean and very short with my words. Out loud anyway. Outside of my immediate family, I have 10 friends who I vent to via text on these days:
Three are basically my brothers: One is a black dude who was my roommate after college a decade ago. One is the white version of me who I met about nine years ago. One is a Puerto Rican dude I met at a show five years ago. We are very similar human beings. We are all the same age and have the same values. We are basically "The Money Team" without "The Money". I vent to them about my everyday life offstage.
The next three are comics from different parts of the country who are like mentors/uncles to me. I vent to them about the business.
The last four are women: One is a comic who I bring on the road with me. One is my best friend since college. One is a girl who is a wizard at understanding all women in general, and pretty much gets abused by me daily with my stories about my dating life (She sorts it out for me and tells me the things I don't want to hear, but absolutely need to hear, in a very humorous way). The last is a much younger girl I met on the cruise ships who's always upbeat and loves life and reminds me to stop complaining.
There used to be a girl who I went to exclusively with all of my drama, but she passed away three years ago from breast cancer. She was only 40 when she left here. I still miss her every day. I was much more closed off back then, but her passing devastated me and taught me that you might not want to confide in just one person in life, because when they leave, you might lose everything. A part of me still can't be recovered because it left when she did. I learned to be more honest and more forthcoming with my friends as a result, because I don't ever want to feel disconnected from the world the way I did when I lost my forever friend.
Fast Forward to a travel day in October of last year:
I'm having one of the worst, longest, most delayed travel days I've ever experienced. It spanned the course of 2 cancelled flights, 10hrs of driving for a college show (with 5 people in attendance) due to said last minute cancelled flights, lost luggage, and 3hr delays on BOTH return flights. The last of which, when we finally boarded the plane and rode out on the tarmac, ready to take off, the plane's engines began to slow...
"NOW WHAT?!" I thought to myself. So frustrated. Not a snack in sight either (I had eaten them all during my previous delays). The pilot comes over the loud speaker and announces:
"Uh folks...We know it's been a difficult travel day for you already. But we're gonna have to turn the plane back around to the gate. I was just informed that my father has passed away. So...we're going to switch pilots...and I'm going to head home."
...I. Was. Incensed! I texted my young friend. Mainly because she has the most patience with me when I go on text rants, and she responds the fastest. I was on TWO soapboxes that night. The conversation ensued:
She immediately says "That's so sad his father died. Have some empathy!"
"Sorry" I said, "People die. Is it sad? Not to me. I don't even know this pilot's first name. I can't even BEGIN to pretend to care about someone's father dying who I didn't even know existed until he spoke over the intercom. If you cared about every single person who is grieving right now, you wouldn't be able to make it out of your bed."
She countered with "Well my mother died 5 years ago. You seemed to really care about that."
"I KNOW you." I said.
"So you can pick and choose to care just like that?" She asked.
"I have to. Or else I'd have no time to function. People die. Isn't this the point of having a co-pilot? And WHAT DERANGED PERSON texts him that KNOWING he was working?! He wasn't even supposed to HAVE his phone on! That couldn't wait until he at least landed?!"
(If you can...forgive me for the asshole you're seeing at this point of the story. Imagine yourself sleep deprived, hungry, and lacking any control over your foreseeable circumstances for 2 days straight of travel, and now trapped in a tube with 200 coughing strangers. You tend to not make sense from a "Being a decent human being" standpoint. Basically what I'm asking you to do is the same thing I was completely failing to do in the moment I am currently describing: Have some empathy. Just a little. No? Ok, I get that. Moving on...)
That's when she said something that snapped me out of my rant and made the situation emotionally relevant to me. She simply asked:
"WELL...would YOU want to be in the air with a pilot who just lost his father?! What if he's suicidal? You don't know what his father meant to him."
I calmed down completely.
"You are 100% correct. I'll shut the hell up now." I said with a nervous chuckle emoji.
I knew I was being absolutely ridiculous in that moment. Ironically, I was upset because I wanted to get home sooner so I could hang out with MY dad. He's my best friend and I'd absolutely be lost without him. Yet I couldn't see passed myself in that moment to actually process that the pilot onboard my plane very well may have just lost the very thing I have. What if that was his best friend? My friend's mom was her best friend, and she had lost her. I should have just been grateful to have a father to go home to, but instead I had already made myself the victim, and began complaining. I was disconnected. I was self-important and selfish. I surprised myself...a little.
Truth be told, I purposely disconnect from people, because I meet so many new people and leave so many new people concurrently, due to my traveling lifestyle, that I find it hard to develop attachments to others anymore. Meeting new people had become stressful for me. "I already have enough people." I'd tell myself. I still get anxiety about it because I feel like for every new person I meet, there's someone my brain must now let go of to create space. My hard drive is full. Some days I'd rather hide than meet someone new. Most days actually. I realize how strange this sounds as I write it, but that is my truth. However, life is about balance, and just like a partially charged phone, no matter how capable you feel using it in the moment, eventually you're going to have to connect to a power source for it to continue functioning properly, or else it will be useless very soon...
Something profound happened after that text message session with my friend. I started connecting more with nearly all of my friends again. I started listening a little longer to both my friends as well as complete strangers who I had normally zoned out on in previous conversations. If you really listen to people...I mean REALLY focus...you'll hear exactly what is troubling them. They tell you. Involuntarily. I began to surmise that my issues and problems were more closely related to theirs than I initially believed. I felt a pattern emerging amongst my experiences:
The pilot lost his father. Which led me to inadvertently contact a friend who lost her mother. Which reminded me to be grateful for my father, and also my mother, who raised me and my three brothers to be a true family even though we all had different fathers, and reminded me of what a challenge that had to have been for her. Two days later I received a message from a woman I had dated briefly who was also a single mom raising all boys. It was surprising to hear from her after all these years. I just asked how she was doing and she said she had just lost her mom and grandmother in the same month. WOW. I asked her all about them, and what they were like. I could tell it was therapeutic for her to share these memories. A few days prior I wouldn't have even known how to manage that call. I would've thought to myself "What does this have to do with ME?" Or something else self-absorbed. My empathy, like a muscle, had weakened to an unrecognizable level due to lack of use, but has continued to grow exponentially now that I am actively exercising it again.
Not every example has to be life and death either. Sometimes it's just a matter of picking someone up quickly enough before they ever have the chance to fall. I often check in on my comedian friends when I see them posting social media status updates that are...more self deprecating than usual let's say. As a comedian, you can tell when a joke post is more than a joke post. Comedians are always in danger of spiraling downward because they can find themselves in recurring situations that produce extended periods of social isolation. Either by location or within their own mind. I've seen full, budding comedy careers end over a bad mental state that lingers a little too long with no one checking in on the affected party. Most performers I've met seem to lack the mechanism for self-correction without a little outside assistance. Myself included.
Comedy is very much a communal artform where we pick each other up best we can...but still, as in any profession, there are a large amount of scavengers who are only out for themselves. The sad part is those people in question don't exactly get weeded out by the positive forces of nature. OFTEN times the "weeds" succeed, which sends most of us in the industry into bouts of depression lol (I'm not laughing out loud though. Dead-ass serious. Ask a young comic the last time they got depressed about this industry. More often than not it's because they watched someone they knew get a break that they didn't, so they retrace their steps and try to figure out why it wasn't them, and will it EVER be. Or if they've had it before, will it ever happen again. They hide it best they can, but if you ask them twice, they'll tell you I bet). So when I cross paths with my brothers and sisters in this industry, and they are in need of a lift to their spirit, I do my best to pick them back up and remind them who they are. I'll never let them quit. Because the moment I let them quit...it technically means I've quit too.
You simply cannot just stop caring in this industry on some level. The moment you lose your passion for what you do, you can lose everything you know to be you in that same moment. The apathy shows to everyone around you, and you may never capture that light about yourself which made you special at what you do ever again.
As a result of this understanding, and out of pure necessity, I have developed a philosophy that guides me, and protects my passion. Whenever I get too wrapped up in the minutia of my life's problems, I remind myself to "Zoom Out": It can always be worse, AND it can always get better. Choose your view. No matter what your view is, you're experiencing the same moment in time as everyone else. Life is happening to us all, at the exact same time. Different stages for us all sure, but occuring simultaneously nonetheless. And often we forget that life is not happening TO us, or even around us...it's just happening. We are but tiny specs in this galaxy.
We all develop our own storyline in our mind, based around us being the main character, to try to make sense of it all. But we don't really know why things happen the way they do. Good or bad. We can guess. And we DO. Educated guesses are common in this realm (sarcasm), but the future is a myth if you really think about it. Whatever you thought life was leading toward can turn on its head tomorrow. Death, natural disasters, a car accident, an election, job lay-offs, the new girl at the coffee shop...You don't freaking know! Just keep in mind that the randomness you experience hits us all, and without bias. The forces at play are much larger than we can continually comprehend, because we are so miniscule on a planetary scale, that we forget to feel for others outside of our scope. We have trained ourselves to be apathetic as a species. Virtually immune to the pain and suffering in so much of the world around us. The reason? For our own survival, ironically. Can't think about everyone else all the time, because you wouldn't be able to get anything done in life, right? Well then I ask you this:
If thinking of others too often prohibits you from being effective in your daily life...have you ever thought that maybe there's something intrinsically off about what you're doing in your life? Have you considered that maybe the activities you have been taught to believe are "productive" in our society are actually the exact opposite? We weren't designed to sit in front of a computer. Or mass produce and slaughter animals for profit. Or to develop imbalances in perceived social value amongst people by creating a system of currency and wealth so trivial, it's almost more of an idea than it is tangible. Do you ever wonder if maybe at some point in our existence, we actually WERE wired to telepathically connect with one another in range, like wi-fi routers, but the selfish pricks among our ancestors outpopulated and overthrew the mentally powerful population to the point of extinction??? What's all that brain matter that we are not accessing about anyway? What are we capable of thinking and feeling if we could access that unused portion of our mind???
...I have no idea. I'm just asking a question you're often too busy or apathetic to think about. But now you've at least thought about it once in your lifetime soooo, you know, progress! ☺
We try to find differences in each other to further justify our lack of empathy for others, but that mentality never seems to fully hold up in the end, and eventually gets taken down through acceptance and love over time. We are so similar in genetic make-up to a BANANA let alone an Ape! And we are ALL living here on earth aren't we? Me, you, the ape and the banana? Do apes even LIKE bananas that much or is that just what the hell we keep feeding them and they just like peeling them a lot??? ?...I'll look it up later. Better just keep this about people for now before I hurt my head more than I already have tonight. POINT IS: We will forever be more connected as humans than we perceive, because we are all on the same train, headed the same damn place, no matter where we're sitting onboard.
Here's another way to look at it...
You don't cut your hair one strand at a time. Each follicle is it's own entity, but it's all the same thing. It's your hair. Each hair on your head is experiencing its lifespan in a different way. But to us they are all the exact same thing. No matter the age of the hair. The height. The color. Its position on your head, it is all making up the same thing. If follicles could talk, my guess is the various strands don't see that they are all making up the same experience together. It's not their call. They are not in control. They don't know when the next cut is coming. Or why. They may notice patterns. Like maybe the cuts come once every 2 weeks. Then one day it stops. Do they know you are just going for a different look? That you are growing a beard instead of shaving? That you are losing hairs through no fault of your own? No. But they adapt to whatever environment you give them.
That's us. We are all individual hairs, and the universe styles us, breaks us, colors us, destroys us, grows us as it pleases, and we don't know why. Because it's not for us to know...
Instead of looking at people individually when they tell you their struggles, replace "he" or "she" with "this part of me", and see how quickly you become a better human being. This part of me is sick, what do I do? This part of me is grieving, how can I help? This part of me is dying, what do I need to say before it's too late, to help this part of me be at peace?
You don't have to actively search it out necessarily, but if these issues come to your doorstep, be ready to step up, and be accountable for your role in the universe.
I believe this is the true golden rule. I think the golden rule got lost in translation. It shouldn't be "Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you". That implies motive. Don't just do things for someone else because that's what you are hoping to receive in return from them. Quit treating life like a loan you are trying to collect interest on by your good deeds. The Golden Rule should be:
"Do for others. Because they ARE you."
We are all one. So it's time to tell yourself what you need to hear in life: To love others is to truly love oneself, because there are no "others". I believe we are just one collective spark of consciousness. One brilliantly beautiful head of hair with an incredibly eclectic mix of individual strands in every shape, size, age and color imaginable. And we don't know when the universe will choose to restyle itself, but we know it's coming. Until then, the least we can do is continue to grow together.
(On second thought...?...Maybe black people CAN be hippies. ?✌?❤)
-Alvin Williams
Sucky people know they suck. No need to remind them unless you just like hearing your own voice.
Appreciate people who appreciate you. Don't search for the approval of an asshole. Someone probably made you do that when you were little, you don't remember who, and now your brain has been screwed for decades. So ask yourself, has anyone ever changed because you sought approval from them?...Exactly. Focus on the good people.
Time is limited. You are not.
There are fulfilling comedy careers built daily off of booking contacts you've never heard of. Everyone doesn't have to book you, just find more bookers who will.
You don't need comedy bookers to have your comedy career, but they DO need comics to have their booking career. Never be fooled into believing you are not valuable.
You will be hard pressed to find people in power who will treat you with respect out of principal. Find the reasons you deserve their respect early, and build upon them. Leave the powers that be with no other option.
We all need help. Don't be so proud.
Be nice to those "crappy" comics on the way up. They will either get better at comedy and be grateful to you for your kindness, or they will get better at fucking you over when you meet again. And make no mistake, you WILL meet again. Choose your way down wisely.
Don't fuck your fellow comics. Sex won't make them funnier.
Don't treat female comics like little girls. You're not helping. They're comics first and foremost. Treat them as such. If they wanted to be treated "like a girl", they wouldn't be doing comedy.
Don't kiss anyone's ass. That's why you started this life in the first place, don't forget it.
( Well...Maybe kiss your wife's ass when you get home. You're gone too much to have pride. Treat her like a queen. She's the protector of your castle and your mind. Remind her every chance you get...
...I said WIFE. Not girlfriend. You're gonna have a lot of girlfriends. Try to keep them to 5 minute chunks in your set. Anything over that and the audience can tell you're not over her. )
Off time is off time. Vacation is vacation. Rest is rest. Respect your schedule, or no one else will.
It's not "Goals", it's a "To-Do" List. Change your mindset.
Never pick on fat people in the audience. Ever. Unless they started it then...No just don't do it.
Don't eat right before your performance...You don't know the future.
If your material is based on your life, you'll never forget the punchlines.
You've never actually messed up a joke. The audience only knows what you tell them.
Show up on time, have good timing, get off stage on time, and your time will come.
Find new reasons to love what you are passionate about, because you're gonna hate your old reasons eventually.
Break-up? Let her go. She wasn't the one. If you claim all you want is for her to be happy, understand that happiness might include not being with you. Your life is difficult, but it was also your choice, not hers. Don't fault others for your journey.
Love is best left in the hands of the strong minded. Intelligence is best left in the hands of the kind-hearted.
To accept a gig that you feel is beneath you for any reason, is to devalue all the hard work you put in and painful sacrifices you made to even put you in the position you are in right now to say "No."
If a booker offers you a middle spot for more money, and/or lets you choose whatever club dates you desire immediately upon request, chances are you're good enough to headline. They are just waiting for you to figure that out for yourself. If you don't believe that, that's probably why you aren't headlining.
Request to headline when you feel it's your time. No one moves you up for the hell of it when they can pay you half the money for the same show.
Don't look to the club owner to be worried about the quality of the show. They have money to make. They can't market you with credits like "Really Funny" or "Outperformed the headliner last time he was here". Work on getting marketable Show Credits or forever accept your position behind the comic who has them come selection time.
First time headlining? Hope you were right about how good you been telling everyone you are...
Doing 30min? Have an hour ready in your head. Doing an hour? Have two. They might hate what you had to say at first, so be ready to dip into the storage bin.
Never forget to tell the audience to tip the wait staff.
Treat your opening act to a meal one time during the week. This is not up for discussion.
Never stop working on your act. Sound simple? Prove it. Sound obvious? Do it then...GO!!!
If you want to be a clean comic, live a clean life. Otherwise you're a fucking hypocritical piece of shit.
Often times they'll forget what you said. But they'll never forget how you made them feel. Be present onstage and never phone it in.
Never say you "killed". If you feel you did amazing, do it again. And again. And AGAIN. Turn someone else's idea of killing into your idea of consistency.
There will always be an agent. A manager. A booker. A venue. Therefore there will always be disappointment. Don't let anything outside of you define you.
On travel days, whether going to the venue or coming home, you are not "You" until you've had a meal and some sleep at your destination. Actually you're quite awful. Please Eat. Snack. Sleep. Nap. The rest of the world thanks you.
Your neck, back, legs and feet are out of alignment from this life...They are. Find a friend back home who gives great massages and trade them things for their services. No, not money. Get creative.
There is someone out there right now working harder than you. Younger than you. Hungrier than you. Funnier than you. Do your job so well that no one thinks about that person but you.
Socializing with women after the show young man? STAY AT THE CLUB. Your chances of getting laid depreciate faster than a new car being driven off the lot if you leave your post.
That group of girls that want to take you from the club to their favorite hangout spot after the show are drunk, and not concerned with making the rest of the night about anything but them. You are a disposable trophy that they will get bored with as soon as they get around other guys they actually know. Those guys don't really like you either, you're fucking up their ratio. I repeat, DO NOT leave the club.
If a stranger wants to hook up with you after the show, it probably wasn't because you were so funny, but more because you're leaving town soon. You're only there for 3 days, she's there for 365...Do the math.
That special someone at home? Never be too busy to text them "I love you, Goodnight." It could change everything one day.
Respect your mind and your body. Listen to them. Give them whatever they need. And by "them" I mean make sure THEY agree on whatever action you're about to take. If they don't, then don't do what you're about to do...PLEASE.
Diversify your venues. God forbid this industry changes on you suddenly at any given point...that's sarcasm btw...just checking. Your gigs should be a balanced diet to your psyche.
There is a limit to the benefit of shitty experiences. If a lesson is learned, it's learned. Don't keep repeating an already learned bad experience. You need more gigs that uplift you than gigs that humble you if you're ever going to be good. If a comic was TRULY as humble as they came off...they wouldn't be funny.
"Don't take anyone's advice, they're only teaching you to be more like them"...Fine. But this list isn't everything I've done personally. These are the things I've gotten right mixed with the things I should have. Listen to people who are where you want to be; It never hurts to have backup directions.
Always Remember...You have the best job on EARTH. There is no downside if you do it right and get out of the game when you are supposed to. Money and attention change things...You know whether or not you are a giver or a taker in our industry. Be honest with yourself.
Find Yourself. Love Yourself. BE Yourself.
Being professional helps your career. Being professional AND funny helps all of our careers...
...So BE FUNNY DAMMIT!!! :)
- Alvin Williams
The best advice I ever received was from a woman I loved who I had no future with. She said, simply: "Don't look back. What we had was what we had, and we should both try to move on."
She was SO right. But years of habit mixed with bruised ego told me a different story in my mind. All I had to do to avoid the subsequent years of future pain, regret and self sabotage was listen for a few precious seconds.
And yet...It was all those awful moments I put myself through during the time after our split which allowed me to understand and accept the advice she gave with my full mind and heart.
She had previously experienced this phenomenon herself, having been married followed by a divorce that gave no immediate answers as to what went wrong. I had not. So the entire time I spent focusing on myself and the pain I felt, I did not think at all about how this was her second major long term relationship loss. She probably was experiencing double the heartbreak. She, however, had experience on her side and better understood what was happening. She said there was nothing left to do but move on. She told me nothing can fix what hurts right now but time. We needed to "go away from one another...and never look back."
She begged me not to look back. Just move on. For both of us.
...I couldn't. I needed answers. Answers I never actually got verbally, but can almost be completely sure of in my mind nonetheless. The world can often be very simple if you allow it to be. Typically when people tell you to move on, chances are it's because they already have themselves, and probably with the help of someone else. At which point, can anything they say actually make you feel better???
Too many of us hang around and get hurt just enough to destroy ourselves. When I look back with a clear mind, I can count dozens of times where I should have ended things sooner. Times where I should have realized I had outgrown the relationship years before it ended. Times even still where after it ended I should have walked away myself. What I'm saying is, no one should ever have to TELL you to move on...because you already knew a long time ago.
For some reason we have it in our head as humans that great memories are a valid reason to invest in a doomed future with someone who you inhabit an already shady present with. Not acknowledging that those memories are exactly what they are: Memories. The past. To put it bluntly: "Shit that's already happened". If you build your future based on memories alone, you may find yourself somewhat sad. Forever longing for something more. That's due to our memory's tendency to become foggy, then glorified over time, because we hold on to the best parts! (Ever hear somebody talk about how great music used to be versus now? Yea, because the horrible musicians of the past era get forgotten, and only the BEST of that era get their classics played over and over again on the radio, leading you to look back over your foggy rose-colored nostalgia goggles and proclaim EVERYONE was an absolute genius back then!...They weren't. Your ass is just old and forgot. It's cool, I'll be next.)
When the red flags of a person you date begin popping up continuously, but you allow them to steadily sit and wave in the wind, they become faded and not as easily visible over time. You never responded to them in a timely fashion and now you are too far removed to see the flags for what they are: No-Brainer signals to get the hell OUT.
Every message on those flags have the same template: "Danger: [Insert Concern Here]. Please Remove Before Advancing". Yet we routinely leave the messages unread and the flags unmoved because we don't want the responsibility of carrying the truth of our probable demise upon our shoulders. Deferring inevitable confrontation for fleeting comfort.
We see the red flags immediately. Every time. We just have the wrong response. We completely avoid them. We treat the flags as if they designate a land mine. When in reality the flag is simply telling us to read its message. An urgent message addressed to your psyche's inbox.
Please understand the role that ego plays when you stay in something longer than you should. It's your belief that the situation at hand requires your continued involvement for the best outcome...OR you could just be being a complete asshole again.
SOME of us linger in a situation after it has ended because they're not sure if they made the right decision to exit. They string others along on their indecisive journey and end up causing more emotional harm to all involved than had they gathered their tools and walked away when they said they would (That'd be me btw. I was THAT kind of asshole.)
"I leave people, they don't get to leave me."
That's how I saw it. Even if I left, I would want the person to see how good they had it with ME in their lives, and beg for my return...which NEVER happened except for once in my life (That's a whooole nother blog partner!). That was my default setting: "Asshole - Extra Strength". As if people didn't deserve happiness outside of me. I knew how to break up...but I had no clue how to ever leave things be right after. If I was moving out of the house, I had to burn that bitch DOWN on my way out too so that nobody else could live there in my absence (even if half my shit was still inside!). My ego was too large. I would always hover back around, until I somehow found myself involved with that person long enough to realize I was twice the fool I had originally imagined myself to be. Because ego works both ways. For just like I needed to be the dumper in my various past scenarios, many dumpees need to find their way back into any type of situation where they can dump the original dumper, to feel better about themselves. So they'll gladly let the dumper back in, if only just to methodically turn the tables at a later date. And to this day, I don't even get to be upset about it. Can I claim I didn't see it coming, when it was ME who first pulled the plug on those toxic connections? The truth was there, and I properly acted upon it initially, only to later disrespect its power by returning to a lie. I grabbed the red flags, walked a few blocks, then returned to my starting point to stick them back into the soil. I lost all the ground I originally gained with my initial decisions. So I began cursing the path I was on, which was/is always the wrong move. How can I blame a path that gave me correct directions if I still chose to backtrack the opposite way?
A path represents a thought process that someone before you has chosen, paving the way for others to follow at their own will. The guide signs you see along a path are from people who came after the original person, explaining to you the forseeaable outcome awaiting you in the direction you choose. So if you find yourself somewhere you don't want to be at your current location, it is because you either didn't pay attention to, or flat-out ignored what was right in front of you. But I assure you, the truth was there at every turn. Don't be upset at the path, be upset at yourself! It's you. It will always be you in the end. So start paying more attention to the steps you choose to take BEFORE taking them, and readjust your journey accordingly.
I now walk a path which I find familiar, yet still encounter obstacles at each turn. The difference now? I read the signs I am presented with, and am no longer afraid to adjust in the moment. I don't wait around to find out if my choices always have the best overall outcome. I do know that I make my choices with a sincere hope for the best result for everyone, and I keep moving. I've learned how to clear my path, and walk away from anything that means me harm. Easy to say for most; Hard to do for everyone. This post is me posting signs in those trouble spots for you to read in case your journey leads you here too some day.
So if you ever find yourself needing to walk away from a situation causing you emotional harm, here are some pointers you should forever keep in mind and apply:
1) Be Clear
2) Be Completely Honest
3) Be Consistent
4) Don't Repeat Yourself
This is technically the end of the post. But if you would like some clarification on these pointers, or just enjoy reading small books, strap in, maybe fix yourself a cup of tea, and allow me to explain in full:
1) BE CLEAR
This one is for you personally.
I'll make it simple:
Your mind is right, your heart is wrong. This is 100% true. End of story.
...Relax. I know what you're thinking already. This statement is utterly false, right? Now look at what I said again, please:
Your mind is right.
Your heart is wrong.
I didnt say anything about winning and losing.
If the US decides to bomb Haiti tomorrow, for no reason...we can all agree it definitely wouldn't be RIGHT. But just because the US would be completely wrong to do it, doesn't mean they wouldn't succeed now does it???
Yea. Have a debate if you want to, but in the end? Haiti Go Bye-Bye!
...My point is the heart doesn't give a damn about right vs. wrong. That has nothing to do with how your heart operates. As they say, "The heart wants what the heart wants".
Your heart overpowers your mind often. It is stronger than your mind and obsessed with getting its way. It's like The Incredible Hulk to The Avengers; If he were fighting against them instead of alongside them, they would not be able to accomplish anything! When my heart and mind are not in alignment, my heart almost always gets its way. Think back in your own life on a time when your heart and mind were conflicted...now think of another example...now another...keep going...I'll wait...See?! I bet SO many times your heart was victorious (then depleted inevitably from your terrible decision to follow it blindly, but that will be a different blog for a different day!) It's what the heart does. And it is RECKLESS in accomplishing its goal. It will tear you apart in the process, leaving your mind in shambles if that's what it takes. As a result, the only way to make positive permanent change in your life is to convince your heart what it wants the most is the same goal as your mind: To protect you.
When your mind is no longer distracted by defending itself against your heart, it can begin to function in the manner for which it was designed: eliminating physical and emotional toxicity. Like your immune system, the mind will spot out possible infectious stimuli and remove them before they can replicate and become more serious problems. You must have your heart and mind on the same page as soon as possible in order to gain clarity on what must be cleared out of your current life to restore balance.
Be Clear with yourself. Identify what you need to let go of first, then take action. Have the confidence to know your decision is right. Align it with the will of your heart to follow through with your decision to acheive permanent change.
2) BE HONEST
This one is for them.
The negative force that needs to be out of your life.
It's time.
Now that your heart and mind are in agreement, you must share your message with the party in question. Maybe you cut ties without explanation and the party you cut ties with never bothered to follow up with you as to why. If that's the case, you know for a fact you made the absolute right decision because that party eliminated themselves from your life given the first opportunity! But let's say your relationship with the party in question is much deeper than simply skipping out on answering the phone for a weekend or two. What if they don't read your non-verbal cues without asking for clarification of some kind as to where you stand. What then???
Simple. Be straight up. Tell the truth. If you don't feel it's simple that's because you're not used to being honest...which is most people lol Nothing irks me more than hearing someone say they "don't know what they want" to someone else. That's the biggest lie in existence. Get REAL. People know EXACTLY what they want. They just don't know how to attain it without unwanted sacrifice, being disliked or being judged somehow. So they pretend to be confused.
For instance: If a man says to a woman "I just don't know what I want right now", he is really saying he doesn't want her. Not in the way she is requesting his presence in her life anyway. He wants to see if better options than her are available to him. He's just not sold on her. PERIOD. In his mind he thinks he's doing her a favor by not just saying it this way. Or maybe he thinks she may harm him in some manner either emotionally, financially or physically. In any case, there's really no need for her to ask her friends what he's "really trying to say". Often times she knows the truth but she's in denial herself.
Another example: If a woman says she's confused between two men in her life (like in most RomComs I've seen) it's because she wants them BOTH. She really wishes there was a way that the two of them would be cool about it too! But it's also a little fun having the two of them compete over her as well sooo...
Hmm. I may have just explained the plot to Bridget Jones Diary because it was playing on the ship I was on last week, but you get the point! This all sounds fairly harsh I know, but it's basic biology at play here. When you dress down people saying that they are confused about what would make them happy, it's really just dishonesty in disguise. They haven't found a way to get what it is they want in a manner that doesn't make their ego feel overexposed. But in the end? The truth will set you free!
Do not worry about how it comes out when you speak from your heart. The truth has a way of coming out properly when you have no intention of deceiving someone for the sake of your own fragile ego. No hedging your bets. No maybes. No "I was thinking..." Be open and say how you feel. It may be uncomfortable, but it is absolutely necessary for your impending freedom to make your message just as clear to your obstacle as it is in your heart and mind.
Not everyone is comfortable elocuting their feelings to someone else. If that's the case? Those are the EXACT words you should say. You will be surprised what comes out of your mouth next. When I was first starting comedy I watched a comedian who I felt was a master at crowd work, or the art of making off-the-cuff remarks to people in the audience during a show. His name was Jay Wendell Walker . I asked him how he did it so quickly and comfortably. He told me "One thing I've learned in comedy is that you must trust yourself to be funny. Believe that the next thing you say WILL be funny. Trust yourself to deliver." Trust your message, the words are always right, THERE.
If you want something or someone out of your life, you must convey that message openly. Otherwise loopholes will form around your evasive language because you were not upfront about your intentions to eliminate their unhealthy presence. Leave your ego out of the equation; Be Honest.
3) BE CONSISTENT
This part can be the most emotionally taxing juncture of the process.
And yet it's principle is the simplest to adhere to if you allow it to be.
I travel. A lot. My needs change. Often. I am a flirt and a hopeless romantic. Unfortunately. I found myself alone more than I wanted to be sometimes, and I began to date and travel with people I barely knew. Over that time I met someone who it didn't work out with long term but we are and will forever be friends. She's ten years older than I am so needless to say she's a little wiser than me in some aspects of life. Whenever I got into that mode of whispering sweet nothings on the phone when I was away, telling her how much I missed her and wished she was around, she was always very skeptical:
"You sure about all that?" She'd ask.
"Positive!" I'd answer back with a confident grin. ?
Then she would give me the same response:
"...Say what you mean, mean what you say. ☺"
I loved when she said that. It was a reminder that I was getting caught in my feelings again and writing mouth checks I probably wasn't truly meaning to cash in the future. She knew I liked my space, and that I didn't want a relationship. But sometimes I longed for it, so inevitably my words would change when we spoke depending on what was going on in my career/location/Netflix lineup. It was as if she was grooming me so that I wouldn't accidently mislead a girl who wasn't quiiiiiite as in tune with the whole "not being exclusive to a long distance relationship" thing as I was. Fair of her to remind me, and fair of me to remember. Because of that fairness, there were no lies exchanged, promises broken, or love lost; only respect gained. Why? Because we said what we meant, and we meant what we said.
...Back to you:
So you worked SO hard to have your heart and mind in alignment only to see it falter one day in a spontaneous relapse.
This one's a toughy. Especially after a couple shots of Grand Marnier and Courvasier (a.k.a. Text-An-Ex Tonic)
You broke up with somebody. You told them honestly it was over. And you felt great. Empowered even. But that was Wednesday. It's like....what, almost FRIDAY now?! Yesterday was lonely as HELL!
But you were SO GOOD...and now they called you. Sent a text. Told you they know they were wrong but they miss you, and...they love you.
....I have three ex girlfriends that I have no business speaking to ever again. I have their phone numbers listed, in order:
"Dat Shit", "Her Da Hell", & "Well Enough".
If ANY of those numbers ever pop up on my phone screen one lonely night, I know to leave any one of those ALONE. (Well Enough was my favorite of the three in case you were curious, but the title pretty much speaks for itself)
Love is hard to have and maintain only to somehow lose later in life. Be it abruptly or gradually. Picking up the pieces can seem like more destruction than improvement. But trust me, it's all gradual improvment in the end if you find a way to love yourself at the finish line.
...That sounds complicated. Let me say it the way my mom used to tell me:
There's nothing wrong with still loving someone who broke your heart...just love their ass over THERE. Live your life over HERE.
Letting go doesn't necessarily mean forgetting. It just means not reaching back anytime you remember it. Once the toxin leaves your system, ALLOW IT to stay gone! It's so easy to remember all the good parts of it that make you want it back. But how about all the parts which led to you making a weighted decision to rid it from your life in the first place? It's ok to think of the good. Just remember, You're "GOOD" now. :)
Be Consistent. Don't walk out of something toxic just to walk back in at a later time. Be at peace with the decisions you made when you were your best self in your heart and mind. You were clear, honest, and unwavering in your truth. You have earned the personal freedom you battled for so valiantly. Whatever you decide to do with that freedom is your choice, but I implore you...
Don't Look Back.
4) DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF
.......(See 4).
Take Care My Friend,
Alvin
"And after a week of where I felt like the conquering king of the world by performing in my hometown, the inevitable will now take place. I shall become what I refer to as 'The Drifting Dandelion'. Traveling. Weightless. Unseen. When I put my travel hoodie on and begin my journey out of my country, no one will know where I just came from. The mountain I just climbed. The joy I created for others or simply felt for myself. The multiple adrenalin spikes I've calmed over the last six days, leading me into mental and physical exhaustion...all for laughter from strangers. Only this time, they weren't strangers anymore. And by now, all of them may have forgotten what I said. How I said it. The land mines I avoided as I performed my art...
...Actually? No one should care. If they did, they would somehow ruin the journey of the dandelion. Meant to drift without direction. Unnoticed. To know the path of the dandelion would be to rob the dandelion of the greatest part of its being: It's ability to make chaos appear beautiful through the lense of freedom. A dandelion with all it's pieces in place is unrealized freedom. Stable, yet boring. We yearn for the chaos. So we blow without coaxing. We experience that moment, and then?...We forget again. We move on. But the dandelion drifts on freely. With the memories of where it came from strong within its DNA, and yet generally...Invisible.
...So here I am. Nobody knows where. Nobody should care. They are right to let me drift. It is my destiny."
I was "in the drift" when I wrote this. A day after fulfilling my career-long dream of headlining at Zanies in Chicago. I had never felt more validated, and yet never felt more exhausted. My family and friends were all there, cheering me on. Laughing til they cried. In their eyes I could see half pride and half shock that I had made it this far. "I have definitely peaked" I thought in that moment lol I truly didn't know what was next, or if I even WANTED anything to be next! I didn't want the pressure of dreaming bigger than my recently realized goal just yet. I also felt guilty at how satisfied I was. So many new questions: "Where do I go from here? Will it take another decade to reach the next goal? I hope not. I'm TIRED!"
...You ever feel that way? Then you realize...you're the only one stressing out this badly over your next move?
Just remember this: The people who believe in you as an artist aren't nearly as stressed about you as you are. They can see you at a distance better than you see yourself up-close. They can see your entire path better than you sometimes. Because they are not in their head about you the way you are in your own head about you. They can see the steady progression. They probably see it better because their data points aren't as frequent as yours for tracking your success. My friends see me once a year on average. In a year's time my career definitely improves dramatically in their eyes versus the day-to-day process of my career that I experience taking its toll on me personally. Remember in science class or math class when they taught you about tracking data, and how the closer you zoom in on data points the more separate and scattered they look, but when you zoom further out it becomes more uniform and almost appears to be one straight line? That's how the world sees your story.
This is a loaded post, but what I'm saying is at times we feel like nothing we are doing matters and our life is not moving forward, at all. So if that's you, I implore you to zoom out a little farther. Take inventory of how far you have come in your life. You will recognize the progression much better if you do not allow yourself to get caught in the minutia of your current struggles. To take this point further...How insignificant are we humans when we zoom-out our lense farther into the universe with our thinking? There's no reason to feel insignificant because we are ALL insignificant on some scale. So really, we belong and fit in more than anyone! We are part of the straight line, we are all moving together toward something. And if we are all chaotic in our existence, then we are all "normal" :)
The drift can be the roughest feeling you may experience in life. Pulling on you in all directions. It's easy to feel insignificant in those moments walking through the airport or driving in the middle of nowhere on the road. But that's also a cue that the walls are closing in on your mind and you have to open a window to relieve pressure again so that you can expand outward once more. To drift is to experience a battle between anxiety and exhilaration. The essence of "Live Your Life" in its rawest form. No safety net of emotions. No direction yet chosen. No one there to tell you if this is the right move...
...GOOD.
Let go. Fall Down. Recover. Try Again. Then Again. You are not alone. Allow yourself to embrace the drift. Find your next course of action within the chaos and create your next adventure. Never fear the drift, for it will end soon, and you will refocus. You always have. That's why you're here in this moment right now.
Be The Dandelion. Be Free. :)
-Alvin
Ever heard that one? That statement has always felt inaccurate to me. Any advancement you've ever made in your life was because of an opportunity given by someone else at some point. Begrudgingly maybe, but still given. What's wrong with admitting that?
Yes you made good on the chance when your time came, and you should take pride in your efforts. Sure the road has been harder for some than for others, but no matter how you got in the door, eventually someone who was already in the building had to unlock it for you to come in.
So I can proudly say A LOT has been given to me in life, and I am SO grateful...But it's mine now. No Takebacks. And I have no intention of leaving the building any time soon.
-Alvin Williams
Patience doesn't make you lazy, just like initiative doesn't make you desperate. But somewhere between patience and initiative lies the truth. Be honest with yourself about the path you chose to meet your goals, and why it was chosen. If you haven't gotten to where you want to be, either work harder or stress less. Adjust as needed. Repeat.
-Alvin
Rejection means nothing to me emotionally anymore. I don't take it personal, because I don't feel it's ever permanent. No I'm not a sociopath, I'm just a comedian. This is our life. Most of the noes we hear are temporary. Things change. Quickly. Just take advantage of the moments when they change, and never be caught off-guard. When they say you have to develop thick skin to be a comedian, they are not just referring to being on stage. The thick skin is needed mostly for what you encounter daily offstage. The industry. The occasional green room prima donna drama. The cancellations. The travel. The bounced checks. Sleeping in your car more than any adult should. These are all par for the course. Then you wonder why one occasionally snaps at your friend at the club for his "innocent" drunk heckle lol (...I'm not lol'ing though. Your friend deserved whatever he got.)
The best thing a comic can know is where they stand with the powers that be. If you tell me you don't like me, and provide a reason, I have respect for you. Strangely I prefer a negative response over being ignored, because too much of a comedian's life is filled with ambiguity. I value negatively tangible over positively absent. I don't enjoy either, but whenever I get ignored by a booker, a club, or an agency, I think to myself "Wow. How much better am I going to be as a performer by the time they come to their senses?!" Arrogant-sounding I know...but how else should I look at it if I want to survive? It's not arrogance when you've put the work in. It's simply confidence in your progression as an artist. Without it? A comic wouldn't even have the guts to shift their car into drive and travel to the next gig sooo...NO apologies coming from me any time soon for knowing and expressing my aptitude for comedy. Ever.
There is a larger emotional side-effect at play which rejection has taught me to utilize more than doubt or depression, however: Gratitude. Instead of privately moping or publicly ranting on social media about the places that don't want my services, I focus my positive energy on the places where I AM wanted. I heap tons of praise and future promotion on the people and venues who have all shared a stake in allowing me to fulfill my dream of performing comedy for gainful employment. They deserve it for believing in me, and continuously booking me for future engagements.
When athletes get traded by teams, it can be devastating if a player wasn't expecting the move. But you will find a common mantra among career-long journeymen who have countlessly been through the rigors of talent exchange: "It doesn't mean my current team gave me away, it means another team wanted me more." There is great power in that attitude.
As performers, we must adopt that same mindset. When you send your available booking dates out to venues and agencies, whoever ends up filling those weeks for you simply wanted you more at that time than the ones who didn't. They may show it by the amount of response time they choose to take or the amount of money they choose to offer. Either way, when that booking date gets confirmed, understand that it means you were made a priority in that moment.
Show bookers can and will reject you often. Just remember they are not your enemy for not selecting you. They cannot book every single person they want to during a given year. There are only so many slots, and there are SO MANY performers bombarding them constantly. They have to find reasons to choose one act over another. Reasons which often land in the realm of subjectivity over objectivity because there may just be no other way to decipher between several options at the time of their selection. So to my young performers out there scratching and clawing just to be seen, I beg of you to comprehend that getting booked is a privilege, not a birthright.
An agent once told me "Alvin, when you are selected for a show, it has everything to do with you. When you aren't? It had NOTHING to do with you." I have always carried that mindset with me: Be grateful when you get it, mindful when you don't, and constantly move on to the next step no matter what.
Give your attention to the wins in your life and build upon them. Learn to view rejection not as a loss you must avenge, but as an inevitable part of the success process you must acknowledge and move passed. There will always be more rejection around the bend, but the same can be said for opportunities. Concentrate your energy on your next opportunity, and those perceived losses won't phase you nearly as much. You'll also be surprised at how some of your desires which you didn't attain at one point in time may not be something you want in your life down the road anyway! So in that sense, rejection can be your friend because it acts as a tool that allows you to transition passed false neccesities and their fleeting validation.
Last but not least, remember: Bookers have the power to select someone OVER you, but they don't have power over YOU. Without performers to choose from, the people who wield the authority to hire you over your competitors would actually have no value whatsoever. So always respect your value to the entertainment hierarchy. Focus on YOU, not them. Win. Occasionally get back to those bookers who reject you if you still feel the need to be validated by their selection. If they pass over you again, so be it. Go elsewhere and win again, outside of them. Repeat. If you do this enough times, they'll take notice, Trust Me.
I will always find a way to be more grateful for being wanted than saddened if I am not. I hope that in your life, my highly valued and appreciated reader, you will do the same. :)
-Alvin