I had a dream unlike any other last night.
I often fear sleep because my dreams are so lucid and often times they are car accidents, plane accidents, and past relationships gone awry. I would say five nights a week it is one of these dreams I will awake from. It is torture, and I've just began opening up about it to two of my friends because I am frightened of going through it alone with no one knowing why I am not myself. I become paralyzed with fear and self doubt for the hours that follow, and I drown it out daily with activities to make my mind fall into an auto-pilot like state of emotional numbness.
But not last night...
In this dream, I was on a private plane with a couple and we had just landed. The couple was behind me, I barely made eye contact. I just had my carry-on and I got off the plane and went to a house, that apperently I owned. It was huge, but it needed some work done. When I got inside I was shocked to see no one had taken care of it for a long time...and there was a big dog laying on his side. He was dirty and beat up. I walked over to him, hoping he wasn't dead. I petted him and his instinct was to bite me. He tried to hurt me but didn't have the strength behind his bite to do it. I could tell he had never seen me, or didn't recognize me, so maybe someone else was his owner. He was obviously trying to protect them still even though they had left him to die. He was loyal. I wasn't upset he tried to bite me, I understood. He was trying to protect the house from me out of instinct, even though there was nothing left to protect. I felt so bad for him. If he were any bit stronger he would have killed me, but I knew he would die without my help. So I grabbed him tight by his collar to show him I was in control, and steered him to an empty bowl. He still tried to bite me while I was pouring water into the bowl, but once the bowl was full his instinct took over and he began to drink. He was still weak, but now he wasn't trying to attack me. I grabbed him by the collar again and put some food I saw on the counter in the bowl. The food looked somewhat fresh, like someone had tried previously to feed him but gave up. I put it in his bowl. He ate. When I touched his collar again he began crying. He tried to hide from me. I could now see that I was hurting him when I grabbed him by the collar, he just didn't have the energy to show me before. This was the first time in a long time he had enough energy to feel that he had been abandoned. He just needed to cry. I petted him, and I let him know he was ok. We were a team now. That dog almost died trying to protect nothing. I was there to make sure it never happened again.
I woke up.
I wondered what would've happened next. Was I going to fix the house, or leave it completely and build a new one?
I believe that house is my career. The potential is unlimited but it lacked maintenance. With some time and energy it can be an amazing piece of property, but right now it's empty and needs work.
I believe that dog is my soul. Damaged, wounded, defensive, weak. But with enough attention, guidance and love, it can be strong and powerful like it once was and was always meant to be.
I believe that in the dream, I was the embodiment of Love. The one true Love of the Universe. Knowing when I needed tough love or when I needed comfort. Steering my soul through it all. Knowing exactly what I needed at all times even when my actions say otherwise.
My soul has made a pact with the Universe to never allow its power to become that depleted again, and to make the most of the incredible opportunity that is my life's journey.
I will be kind. I will be patient. I will be attentive. I will be love.
I will be ME.